So im not sure how to even start this blog tonight...
I have had some ups and downs all weekend, and I want to vent but not sure how to. My mom, brother and Rusty came down thrursday night, had a good start, but it didn't end quite like it should have. Im not going to go into details in any way, but it has definitely opened my eyes alot.... As much as I love my mom, as much as i would love every minute of her being right here beside me, to be my best friend, to watch Nova grow up, every single day, and see every single change she has in store for us, I think its time i quit wanting... It hurts so bad to even to say i know i need to quit, but its time. I cant force anyone to do anything, and I have completely realized i have my own little family to focus on. I feel like i have made myself hurt for so long over so much, that i have to stop and realize what is infront of me. I have this amazing husband who would climb the highest mountain for me and Nova, and i have this amazing little lady that looks up to me. Its time i put all my focus on them two. As bad as it hurts, i'll never fully understand why i cant have my family here to watch her grow up, like i have always pictured it... I always saw her running to the door to them! Jumping in their arms! Not wanting to come home to me because she had so much fun their!I honestly would have never thought my life would be where it is today a year ago. It breaks my heart that i cant run down the road and just sit on the couch with mom/dad...or watch Zanic grow up this year in the 6th grade...or see Devin be Devin.. lol have my sister back. or have her come over every single day like my Gannie has... God, i honestly dont know what i would do without her. If i didn't have my Gannie to see every single day, I honestly dont know who i would have besides Clay. Im not trying to write a pity story, just venting.. you have no idea how good it feels... Im ready to stop worrying about what everyone else is going to miss out on, what everyone else feels, and see's and thinks... and feel it is completely time to focus on my little perfect family. Its not my fault they aren't here, and i can finally see that... its their choice. This is not meant to bash my parents, not at all. Ill always love them, they are who gave me life. Its just extremely hard for me to accept that they dont see Nova everyday... and Im finally done begging. It breaks my heart to even write this, cause i know how much i bugged mom about moving here... just praying one day they would walk in and say "We are here to stay!!" lol I think I really just hurt for Nova... I always thought my parents would be the parents that came and got my kids and did the crazy things with them, or took them every other saturday like Gannie did us! lol But things change... alot. And im ready to accept it.... as hard as it will be, Im ready.
We went to church on Sunday, and im so glad! We haven't been in a really long time, and it was the perfect time for me! i think we are going to start going every sunday again, and hopefully with Blaire, BC and Mas, its so much fun! I think its so cute that we have such a perfect little family! and one more coming! Robin went too, which was so nice cause she got to see the two little ones! Mason loves Nova! He is giving kisses now, and will open his mouth and kiss her! PRECIOUS! I am dying to know what this little bean is! Hopefully we find out either at the end of this month, or beginning of September! yay!!!
Well, im going to go take a HOT bath! Until next time!!!